I saw a man pursuing the horizon

I saw a man pursuing the horizon; 

Round and round they sped. 

I was disturbed at this; 

I accosted the man. 

"It is futile," I said, 

"You can never -- " 

"You lie," he cried, 

And ran on. 

- Stephen Crane

I am not exactly sure what I anticipated to find at the end of the horizon. The very phrase is an oxymoron. That I broke my fast on Friday, that I quelled my hunger, it was just an arbitrary point in time. I should have known I had not attained anything tangible. No panacea magically emerged from this fast, I have no answers for how we should aim to make change. As I savored my soup, quite greedily, in those very moments the final touches were being put on the budget proposal to slash $30+ billion dollars from the budget and save us from a government shut down. Friday, at sunset was just a moment to end the fast, and an opportunity to stare out at the still distant horizon. 

Yet something was building inside of me all of last week.  I kept waiting to have some magical conclusion, some path by which action could be taken. Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, they all passed by, and I was unable to uncover some undeniable truth. Thus I am writing today feeling a little bit lost, I wanted to say this is how we can carry all the lessons forward from the fast, how we can transform individualized action into collective action. 

We need to answer the question "What is our country?" The reason I thought individual fasting was helpful for me in answering this question, is because fasting pulled me away from my basic desires. Every moment was a reminder that I live a remarkably privileged life, that I live for core principles that are beyond self-interest and that I own nothing. Life is tenuous and the reason we form society is an acknowledgment that we are not self-reliant, and that we can achieve more together than apart. Halfway through last week  I made a pledge to try to fast more often (Islamic style sunrise to sunset, no food no water) so that I can remember these lessons and so that I may take the portion of money I would have spent on lunch and coffee ($10) and give it to charity.  

The prophet Mohammed (PBUH) used to fast each Monday and Thursday, not out of obligation, but as an extra good deed.   I am hoping that I can choose one of those days each week to fast, and that in a year this effort will make me conscious of God, and I will have raised $520 dollars for charity. This is money I currently spend on myself. I want to ask my friends to fast with me, once a week. Let us start informally, but perhaps we can formalize this effort into wellspring of strength for the cause of community, and a fountain of resources for the sake of the needy.

Again this is not a novel concept, nothing I ever write is. My dear friend Ben is in the Church of Latter Day Saints. Every month, on the first Sunday he goes 24 hours without food or water. As the head of his household he participates in the LDS fast-offering, where he donates the money that would have otherwise been spent to feed himself and his family to the church's charity which is setup specifically to help the less fortunate. Each month Ben donates probably in the neighborhood of $50 dollars (i'm guessing). As a single action, perhaps it the benefit is small, but collectively with the many devout members of the LDS church who participate in the fast-offering every month, the church raises significant money to help those in need. Ben not only gains from the benefits of fasting, and the goodness of giving charity, but he also participates in a program that builds an unrelenting view that the collective group is responsible to come together to strengthen other members, so they can become self-reliant. 

This fasting will not magically fix our country, it will not balance the budget,  nor improve our schools, nor cut the unemployment rate, nor solve the problem of the hungry for that matter. This is just a single attempt to remind ourselves that we are One community. Laugh if you want at my fruitless efforts, laugh at my fast that did nothing to stop the ax of budget cuts, tell me that it is futile to pursue the horizon. I know this is not the way of change, I know this may not even be the precursor to change, but it helped changed me, it helped set me on a straight path. So if you don't mind I'd like to go on chasing the horizon, because it seems like a pretty worthy pursuit to me. 

George Merck and the forgotten purpose of Pharma

Learn --> Earn --> Return


If you went to Harvard Business School in the 1990's this would have been the mantra for MBAs role in society. Take the time at business school to learn, go out into those first post-mba jobs learn some more, then put yourself in the position to earn. After you have drank your fill, then it will be time to be a philanthropist. Actually this is the way most of our ultra-rich have behaved (Buffet, Gates, Rockefeller, Carnegie), and are expected to behave. I wonder if Rockefeller had treated his employees (and other stakeholders) with fairness and justice, would he have a) accumulated as much wealth as he did and b) if he would have felt compelled to give so much charity?


Learn-->Earn + Return


This is the mantra that was put forth by one of my professors this year. That returning to your family and community should be a continuous process  and should happen at all stages while you earn.  Sadly this too is a dangerous idea because it separates out earning and returning as two separate notions. My friend Charlie pointed this out to me and said that we have the wrong impression of what it means to earn here at business school. We think of earning as monetary gain for oneself. 
It is funny that at HBS where value creation is taught as the outstanding principle of a good business, that students go out and only measure their success by value capture. In the business world we often blur the lines between value creation and value capture. I would posit that 80% of bank activities are directed towards value capture, 100% for insurance companies (honestly they provide zero value in society, except maybe employing people as a value add.)  


Thus the mantra should be to learn and return to society. For the greater your return to the society the greater your reward will be in what you earn (don't go and use backwards logic and say I made $10 million dollars that must mean I returned a lot to society, no this isn't Calvinism! Every action is with its intention) 


This isn't a novel concept, in fact in Islam, God uses a lot of economic phrases to get his message across that good work, charity, and upholding justice  are the profitable endeavors in life. Further more this is not a novel concept in business. I had the privilege  of working for the brilliant Joshua Boger, and hearing him on several occasions echo the core principles that were the foundation of Merck and his own company Vertex (once the most admired company in America for something like 9 years in a row). 
As I am on my 5th day of fasting and I think my writing is deteriorating by the minute. I will let Mr. Boger tell you the story of Merck.  


This is from Josh's talk to Phi Beta Kappa inductees at Wesleyan 2010

In 1950, George Merck, CEO of the multinational pharmaceutical company, Merck, that would go on in subsequent decades to become not only fantastically successful but also, by the 1980’s, America’s Most Admired company, addressed the graduating class at the Medical College of Virginia in Richmond. A main topic of his speech was the now-accepted idea that great and original research could indeed take place inside the walls of a company. But he went on to lay out some principles of the business of Merck as well.

Noting that business even then was often mis-perceived as being all about profits (although he clarified unapologetically that there can be no business – and no future – without profits) he uttered the famous lines,

“We try to remember that medicine is for the patient. We try never to forget that medicine is for the people. It is not for the profits. The profits follow, and if we have remembered that, they have never failed to appear.”

Now if that wasn’t radical enough…and by itself it could be dismissed as social responsibility when convenient: country club liberalism…he went on and made the quantitative economic assertion:

“The better we have remembered …[that medicine is for the patient], the larger [the profits] … have been.”

So, George Merck claimed, patient centered drug innovation isn’t just a possible business model, it is the best business model. And wading right into what sounds like a 2008 campaign statement on healthcare reform:

“How can we bring the best of medicine to each and every person? It won’t be solved by wrangling with words and it won’t be settled by slogans and by calling names. We will fall into gross error with fatal consequence [fatal consequences!!] unless we find the answer – how to get the best of all medicine to all the people.”

Then calling out to his fellow industry leaders:

“… We cannot step aside and say that we have achieved our goal by inventing a new drug or a new way by which to treat presently incurable diseases…. We cannot rest till the way has been found, with our help, to bring our finest achievement[s] to everyone.” 




read the full speech at: http://www.pbln.org/vision-for-a-new-year-from-pbln-co-chair-joshua-bogers-address-to-wesleyan-university-phi-beta-kappa-class-of-2010/

Also for all you business student consider joining the Progressive Business Leaders Network (PBLN.org) it is the only counter weight in the business community to the shamelessly self-interested chamber of commerce.

Morning Pains

A tornado ripped through my stomach this morning, shaking me out of a peaceful sleep, out of the world of dreams and into the reality of hunger. There are intermittent sharp pangs, but it is not like the hunger I have known in the past. No, this hunger is different, this hunger isn't one of desire, or craving. I wonder if I could even call it hunger? My brain has shutdown that word, or whatever pathway of chemical reactions that leads one to vocalize, "I am hungry." My mind has now just settled on the statement, "this is discomfort." It is interesting because I think my body now is talking to my brain, as opposed to before where hunger started at my brain and then flowed to my body The mind plants a little seed and says, "why don't we eat now," and the stomach opens up and says, "sure thing boss that sounds pretty fantastic."

 My usually strong sense of smell, has been even more intensified. Last night, my roommate cooked some rice with a few spices, and I could smell them from all the way upstairs. Such an intense marvelous scent, each individual spice I could feel in my nostrils, I could feel them in my stomach.  The same thing happened when I walked into the cafeteria to get some hot water yesterday morning, the pastries and the chocolate filling inside of them, and I could even smell the cream cheese. I can't explain it fully, but it is a though my nose was my eyes. I don't recall seeing the pastries, but I have full memory of them through smell. 

Qur'an surat al Mulk (67)

 Say: "What do you think? If of a sudden all your water were to vanish underground, who [but God] could provide you with water from [new] unsullied springs?

I often think of this line from the Qur'an, and remember that I am not self-reliant. If droughts were to come and be sustained, if the temperature of the earth were to rise 1 degree and we were to lose 10% of our agricultural output, if my water were to become bitter, or filled with radioactive isotopes, who then would provide me with nourishment and subsentence? My state on this earth is always tenuous it is uncertain, so it does me little good to be boastful or prideful. This is a hard lesson, a lesson of continuous humility, and of gratitude and thanks. A classmate of mine from HBS posted on twitter the following, "'Lucky' is what the lazy call the rich. Be prepared to take the opportunities laid out before you and make your own luck." I find this statement is drenched with such arrogance, and clear unawareness of how the world really works.  Obviously it is beneficial to think this way, to believe that your actions are 100% correlated with outcomes, that somehow luck is fabricated by some group of lazy people, that we are self-reliant, but it is just a canard. I wonder if this classmate of mine has ever stopped to talk to the custodians at HBS, who come in at 10pm to start cleaning, who have finished an 8hr shift at a different school, and won't be leaving till 6am. One such person is 57 years old, and he still is trying to get his high school degree (GED?) but only can find a couple hours a week to study. He can't see a time in which he will ever have enough not to work, so he keeps working 16 hours a day. Is he lazy? and would he really be wrong to think that all the students at HBS are lucky? Lucky to know that if they work 16 hours a day they probably can retire at 50, lucky enough to have the freedom to choose any field, "To unite avocation and vocation." 

Our perception needs to change, we are a community, we are a society, we depend on each other. I depend everyday on the myriad of people working to build a civilization that works. I can only provide "great value add", to steal a favorite term at HBS, if and only if there is food and water, and electricity, and roads, and public safety, and schools to send my kids (future kids inshallah). I rely on everyone else, and so I know that I am lucky to have the mere opportunity to "make my own luck". And in my opinion all of this depends on God, it is easy to feel secure, until we are not. May God grant us all peace and blessings on this earth, and in the next life

 

i thank You God for most this amazing

i thank You God for most this amazing day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes (i who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth day of life and love and wings:and of the gay great happening illimitably earth) how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any-lifted from the no of all nothing-human merely being doubt unimaginable You? (now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened) E. E. Cummings

Sleep is like a private shelter, an all enveloping escape from this world. My head began to ache as I finished writing yesterday, and as dull pain began to sharpen I had only one weapon against it, sleep.  I succumbed quickly to it, allowed it to wrap me up in its warmth, to transport me far away from the world of hunger and strife and battles for justice.  I again awoke early well before my alarm, and again I was lifted out of my sleep with such tremendous joy and energy. This joy and energy is not what is to be expect as a reward for hunger. No the hunger will hurt, to feel real insecurity would be to know that there is no Friday-when I can break my fast- or that there is this Friday,  a day that brings the slashing of millions of dollars in benefits that support millions of households across this country. 


So, what then gives me such joy and pleasure this morning? "(Now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)" I am alive again today, and I am thankful for the gift of life which too often I forget is a gift. So rapid is the velocity of this world that I am in constant danger of having my whole life be lived unconsidered. The world around us will dictate how we live our lives, unless we stop and pause and think and finally say, "no this other way is actually how I want to live my life." This electrified "up tempo world of 24/7" has destroyed the night, which comes as a protector from the responsibility of the day. We push forward for the sake of productivity, without considering what it is we have sacrificed. 
When we have been sent to our deaths and reawakened, as happens every night, only when the sleep was comfortable, safe, secure, and the promise of tomorrow was bright, then and only then is when we can awake with true joy and thanks, "for most this amazing day."


One final note: 


The outpouring of support for this cause from you,  warms my heart at every turn. I was asked yesterday, "How do we stay optimistic?" I responded that we need to find a voice, and be unafraid to speak it. I am stronger today than I was a week ago because of all of you, many reached out and told me you are all feeling the same way. I am optimistic because so many pledged to fast a day this week. What can we do next? Any and all suggestions are welcome. I'm formulating some ideas for Friday's post.     

.

48hrs- not the 1982 Eddie Murphy movie

From the movie 48 Hours:
Reggie: You know speaking of moaning, my stomach is starting to growl. We better go get something to eat. 
Jack: We eat when I say we eat! 
Reggie: Now that's bullshit, that's the last straw, all right? I want some food now. If you don't like it, you can take me to the penitentiary and kiss my hungry black ass goodbye all right? You took me out here, you've been treating me like shit when we first left and I want some food

That scene seems amazingly relevant for tonight's post. I love this image, "now that's the last straw all right?" Can we stand up together and say enough is enough? Can we say this is the last straw, and I want some "food"?

I'm past the 48 hour mark for fasting, and so far so good. I have had a few stomach growls, but overall I am not too hungry. Thank you for all the support and feedback I have gotten on this blog, I really appreciate it.

Thoughts on the physical elements of fasting: I was alert and awake and had a surprisingly productive day till about 5pm when I slowed way down. I didn't have any headaches today, and I think I was lucid and articulate during all my conversations. I have been fasting for years from sunrise to sunset without food or water, this "Islamic sytle" fast has become second nature to me, so fasting with water is a pretty nice luxury. Granted as I push past these 48hrs to the next 48 I anticipate the road getting a lot harder.

The mental elements: There is something tremendously powerful about not eating. I have gotten very used to not eating in the last two days, and seeing other people's food does not bother me too much. I noticed that a lot of the activities in my life revolve around eating or coffee. "Do you want to meet up for lunch or coffee?" or "Wanna come to my pot luck Thursday night?" I was almost a prisoner to a cycle of social eating and social caffeinating.
I feel very liberated without food, being able to say no to a very basic need has made me feel more confident about my ability to sacrifice self-interest for the sake of the community. Not that this fast has achieved anything for the community, but its purpose is one of community, so it will at least reinforce my commitment to community).
I keep coming back to this base principle of self-interest vs. communal interest. I am repeatedly told that if everyone pursues their self-interest then the best possible outcome will occur, automatically no less! Where did this concept originally emerge from, and how do we move through life not questioning it? Is this concept something that is only prevalent in business schools? I do remember learning about the book "The Selfish Gene" in Biology my junior year of college, but growing up as a child, I don't remember being taught to be selfish? Is selfishness a learned behavior?
It is surprising to me that the concept of self-interest would take such strong root in a predominately Christian country. The teaching and principles of the Bible, (in my limited experience with that text) seem to push a believer beyond oneself, into a spiritual realm where success is measured by how you help other people. Islam seems to endorse the same concept, constantly pulling the human away from the human-centric view of the world.

Okay I have really lost steam here, this post took me two hours to write, so that might give you some indication of the effects of fasting.


Lots of people have been asking why I'm fasting so I am throwing this paragraph at the bottom of all my posts for the rest of this week so people can find out why I am fasting

repost from March 31st: Purpose of the fast

Next week I begin a fast. I join, granted late, the 4,000 others who fasted this week...http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/29/why-were-fasting/?src=me&ref=general

I take Beckmann's point of view, this is not about my fasting for a week, it is about justice and leaving off the distractions that make it easy to justify cutting programs for the less fortunate while we increase benefits for the ultra wealthy, “You can’t have real religion,” Beckmann said, “unless you work for justice for hungry and poor people."  

I hope this fast will connect me very closely with God, will make me humble, will remind me that I am not self-sufficient. "Fasting is prescribed upon you as it was prescribed upon those before you so that perhaps you may develop awareness of God." Taqwa-awareness or consciousness of God is to accept God as omnipresent, merciful, the sustainer, the provider, the omnipotent. These things, I hope I will learn in my fast, and that it will give me a steely resolve to fight for justice, and end the crazy deficit cutting, that makes the poor suffer while we increase tax breaks for the ultra wealthy. 

Infinite Expectation of the Dawn

"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn." -Thoreau 

Today I awoke early, granted a little after dawn, but well before my alarm. In that moment just before wakefulness, I could feel myself not hungry but dreaming of the long task ahead, of four more days without food. Then in another instant I was awake, and full of energy, no signs of hunger this morning. This feeling, this is the feeling Thoreau wanted everyone to have, of the burst of energy of a new day; to awake and greet it's arrival every morning. To do so, not through the force of an alarm, but through a childlike giddiness for the daily renewal of life itself. 


This fast has awoken me, and clarified for me the line between importance and frivolousness. I think I gained more from this fast before I even fasted, just by recognizing that inaction is not acceptable. My action, through the art of inaction (not eating), may not carry any real weight, and will likely have zero impact on the budget debate. The action, before it has even really begun (and this is the phenomenal power of fasting), has served to arm me with a steely resolve towards working for a better America. I will not trade away fundamental social programs for tax credits and then be told that this is prosperity.

Individual Requirement and Community Requirment

I am 20 hrs in. I have fasted (no food,no water) well over 360 days in my life from dawn to dusk. The first 20 hours passed very much the same way the first day of Ramadan passes, a little bit annoying, an afternoon headache, but overall not too bad.  Actually it has been easier because I have been drinking water throughout the day.

I am not sure what the definition of Fard is in English, perhaps requirement or mandate is the closest. I have chosen to go with requirement for the purposes of this post. In Islam there are two types of requirements Fard al nafs and Fard al Kifaya. Fard al nafs, is the requirements of the individual. These are things that God will hold each individual accountable for, and that can only be fulfilled by each individual. Examples are prayer, fasting, the giving of the required charity (Zakat). No one can fulfill another duty to pray five times a day.

The other requirement is the requirement of sufficiency. There are certain actions/responsibilities that the entire community carries but can be fulfilled by any member of the community. Hunger is a good example. If your neighbor goes to bed hungry, then everyone in the neighborhood incurs the sin of that persons hunger. If one person, however, feeds their hungry neighbor then everyone in the community is absolved. To me this concept has always balanced the responsibility that a community bears, and the power that every individual has to make a difference. A single action can absolve a whole community of sin. Some problems may seem too big to solve as individuals, but the mere effort of taking steps can cure a whole society of its ills.

I grew up in a community where I very much doubt anyone went to bed hungry. I am a product of the suburbanization of America where people are grouped off into towns and counties by their ability to afford property. I often wonder, if our lack of sympathy for the poor is because we simply don't interact with people from the lower quartile of society. Maybe we are so willing to forgo programs to help the neediest because we quite frankly don't see very many needy people. This is just conjecture but I think people who live in cities are probably more likely to appreciate public services, because they interact with those service more often, such as with public parks, and public transportation. My dad thinks we can solve issues of health, energy, happiness, and small business simply by committing to building walking friendly/ walking exclusive cities. The idea being that we would consume less energy if more people lived in cities where they could not drive their cars in the city, took public transit more often. The additional activity would reduce obesity, and therefore diabetes and associated healthcare costs. People would shop at fewer big box stores, and the need for convenience would help boost business for "round the corner" family owned shops.

The fear before the fast and "you can't be neutral on a moving train"

Let us start with the later. You can't be neutral on a moving train, comes from Zinn's book about his life and times. Inaction is not acceptable, to stand by is to make a choice against justice. When we ask the poorest in this country to carry the burden of austerity measures, while at the same time giving tax cuts to the wealthy corporations and individuals, we have created a twisted system. If I do not speak out, if  I do not try to make a difference to combat the fallacy of disaster capitalism then I am complicit in the suffering wrought by an unjust economic system. This train is moving, and it is gaining steam, but I won't be on that train, I will be right in front of it trying to stop it. This is a key element of my fast. I, of course, fast with the same purpose outlined by Beckmann (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-beckmann/fast-pray-and-protect-hun_b_840030.html) but also because I want to remind myself of what is important in this life. Standing for justice is not something I am willing to compromise, and hopefully this fast will remind me that nothing is more important than that pursuit.

I started my fast today at 10PM, I will end it at sunset on Friday evening. I will be on a water only fast. I am nervous, I have been very nervous since I decided last week to do the fast. Will I be capable of doing it? Inshallah I will.

Yesterday I had a dream about hunger, I had a dream about the fast, and about struggling to hold on to my fast in the face of the everyday world. I awoke with a renewed confidence that I am pursuing something worthy.

I think I am corruptible, after two years at HBS, it is easy to exchange guidance for error. It is tempting to think the pursuit of money has some long lasting benefit. Hopefully this fast will keep me on the straight path.

A few friends asked how will you make it through the everyday activities at HBS? Classes, or papers and presentations, all of these things that usually occupy my time and I devote my greatest attention towards. The answer was simple to me, those things will suffer, because they are not important this week.

I hope you will fast with me this week. Pick one day and fast sunrise to sunset with no food or water. Or pick a 24 hr period and do a water only fast. Please join this struggle, because you can't be neutral on a moving train.